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Recent times have required us to embrace video-conferencing, Zoom, Skype or similar.  The technology is a practical solution to lockdown and supports us to remain connected with colleagues, friends and family.  Hopefully, these arrangements will see us through a relatively temporary period until we move through the COVID-19.  But if this becomes a working life norm, I don’t think I could cope.  Really.

Okay, on the positive side, I appreciate the advantages.  They are great for including everyone, especially colleagues based out of the office – wherever they are, and they remove the inefficient waste of travel time and travel costs.  On the face of it, you can do more in a day, and hold even more meetings.  I’ve noticed online meetings tend to be quicker than face-to-face ones.  Although I have heard horror stories of all-day ones.  That sounds like some sort of nightmare.

Video is an improvement on tele-conferencing as you at least have a chance of noticing non-verbal communication cues.  You can tell, sort of, if people are listening and/or happy, or not.   But the reality is not exactly pleasurable.  Let’s be honest, the technology is letting us all down.  We need it to be better.  The broadband speed, picture quality, interrupted sound that causes us to miss every other word, echoes and feedback, background noise, freezing screens – these are all too familiar experiences.

It’s not just technology’s fault, there is human error too.  Some of this is basic manners or etiquette.  Thinking about it, I think I have been stood-up for online or ‘phone meetings many more times than I have for ‘real’ meetings.  There should be no difference.  Being present is important.  As is arriving on time and not leaving early.  Personally, I cannot bear the small talk at the start.  It is a hangover from face-to-face meetings and rarely works.  And I can hear you if you are typing away or sorting out your expenses claim!

Some of this is lack of experience and skill, I accept that.  There are also other factors.  Choosing the best place to sit and work during the meeting is important. It can be really difficult with other people (or pets) in the house or the office.  Positioning the camera is so important.  We spend so much time thinking about how we present to the world, and all that seems to go out of the window when people don’t think about the angle of the camera, or the background that everyone can see.  Instead we are treating everyone to unflattering views of our chins or noses, or of private things in our personal spaces, untidy bookshelves or eclectic art choices.

The dynamics of communication mean it can be difficult to follow conversations in large groups and to know how to take-turns.  This results in awkward silences.  But I think we should be more confident and embrace silence and thinking time.  Whilst it is good that people mute themselves when not talking to minimise background noise, it is frustrating for all when they start talking without unmuting.  Having a competent chairperson is vitally important to help avoid these pitfalls.

If I had some top tips to survive them, here they are:

• Send joining instructions and necessary papers out in good time.
• Be clear about who has the joining instructions and who is leading the meeting.
• Be clear about who is attending and why.
• Choose a quiet space away from distractions, dogs, other people, children.
• A quiet space means you do not have to put mute on and therefore don’t forget to turn it off.
• Good chairing and leadership.
• Agenda and ground rules.
• Be really clear who is on the call – do introductions.
• Say your name before speaking.
• Be clear about whose turn it is to speak – allocate topic leadership on the agenda.
• Be disciplined – find a quiet space and be on time.
• Assume silence is agreement.
• Participate and pay attention – avoid the temptation to do other work or complete your expenses claim. You wouldn’t do that at a face-to-face meeting.
• Allow equal participation, ask everyone’s views.
• Take and share notes.
• Be more patient than I am!

I hope that helps.  It gives me some hope.

We talk a lot about listening to children in education.  And I have always thought the best early years workers and teachers are those that have excellent observation skills.  Whenever I am in a setting or school I observe visual and audible listening skills that can anticipate the individual needs of children and families.

It is these skills that typify great leaders as well.  If you notice what is being said and done, or what isn’t being said or done, and consider how people are saying things and doing things, and how they are feeling, you have all the tools you need to connect with children, families, and the people you lead.  These tools help you to help them flourish.

Maya Angelou is often quoted, she said “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”.  This is good advice for any leader.  It reminds me of the big difference between leadership and management.  Leaders inspire people to have confidence and take action themselves.  Managers too often tell people what to do, how and when.  And this can damage confidence, motivation, and individual responsibility.  Don’t get me wrong, we need both in every organisation.  Often it is the same person.  It could be you, and if it is, this is your juggling challenge that makes every work day different.

The vast majority of people who come to our leadership and management training courses are surprised to find themselves in their positions.  Most have never undertaken any such training before.  And have learned their leadership skills through a painful process of trial and error.  Like most leaders, their route to the top is often because they are great talkers.  But once there, the best advice is to shut up!  If you are too busy talking at people, or seeking to demonstrate and assert your position constantly, you will not connect with them.  They will quickly learn not to talk themselves, which results in you becoming uninformed and out of touch with what is happening and how people feel.

Here are a few thoughts on how to listen really well – my shortlist of personal tried and tested favourites.

• Don’t listen when you’ve finished all your planning and are simply presenting your final ideas
• Involve people early, and listen at the early stages of thinking or developing ideas
• Be open-minded by not assuming what people are going to say before they say it
• Listen to everyone, not just those that you know will agree, and be prepared for different views
• Be patient, give people time to think first and talk later, not everyone likes being the first to speak or thinks on their feet
• Allow people the time to finish their talking – don’t interrupt
• Repeat what you think people have said so you get your listening right first time
• Listen without power – support people to be honest and answer and not just in ways they think you want
• Ask open questions, e.g. what do you think?

In short, the worst leaders talk, the best leaders listen.  If you want to find out more, there are lots of books and online resources that support good listening skills.  You can apply your best early years or education practice in your people management too.

You don’t need me to tell you that using regular praise has transformational effects on children.  Praise is a powerful motivator, it is also an essential and daily element of your staff management tool-box.  Its effects are the same, it helps build self-esteem and self-confidence, and can support the achievement of the team-work, and work outcomes you are aiming for.

Motivation is our desire to do things, get things done, or to move. Without it, we stay where we are: in the same role; the same place; the same bed.  With motivation, we move into new and challenging roles; embrace new ideas; go to new places; and most importantly get up in the morning!  It’s the difference between being late or not turning up at all, and being early for work ready for the day ahead.

We are all motivated differently.  What motivates one, will have little effect on another. One thing I have focused on very much over recent months has been the importance of quality leadership.  If we trust our leaders, then that can be motivation enough – because they meet our motivational needs.  But there is so much more for us to consider, ask yourself and your teams these questions:

• How relevant and worthwhile does your work feel to you and your close friends and family?
• What difference are you making to parents, children and colleagues?
• How is your career taking shape, or what direction is it taking?
• What risks or safety do you want from work?
• How happy are you at work, or what happiness are you creating in others?

All crucial questions for us to consider.  And you will notice, little reference to fame, fortune, or attention.  Well, this is the early years!  Seriously though, finances and status are still important issues for us in this sector.

Saying thank you or giving praise is a full-time job for any manager or leader.  Funny that it is the most commonly overlooked and under-estimated ways of motivating people.  And it is easy:

• Look for chances to praise all of the time
• Mean it when you do it
• Tailor the praise and the words for the person and the achievement
• Turn negative thoughts into positive actions
• Look people in the eye – connect with them
• Do it in front of others
• Be careful not to create hierarchies or cliques, praise everyone!
• Give praise regularly
• Use a balance of informal and formal opportunities

Sounds sensible doesn’t it?  Be honest, how do you score as a praising manager?  It’s not too late to change if you’ve been feeling you’re a little too negative or too busy to be the ‘super-praising leader’ you aim to be.  So, set your goals and work through the awkward pain barrier, the rewards are there for all.  You can be the leader you want to be, and the leader your team wants to trust for their motivation.

How aware are you of the unconscious messages you are giving to the person or people you are communicating with?  Do you apply as much careful thought to your body language as you do to the words you are speaking to them?  We all use a huge range of physical movements and gestures and they all have the capacity to strengthen, limit or even harm your message.  It’s all about being constantly aware and being open to feedback and improvements.

How about your posture?  Is it positive, neutral or negative?  If your posture is positive you may have a direct gaze (not a stare), a broad smile and a friendly style – enhanced by leaning forward or placing your hands on your hips, for example.  In neutral, your gaze may be the same, but your stance and/or hands will be less direct or confident, instead perhaps down by your side.  This can be an appropriate stance for first contacts and meetings, whereas positive posture is something to use once you are more familiar with someone or you need to be more assertive or confidently persuasive.  Both are better than the negative option: which has an indirect gaze; and there is touching or ears or nose (as if they are more important than your subject), a slight turning away, or looking at the door or out of the window.  All show you’d rather be doing something else, somewhere else, or you have stopped listening altogether.

Keep your distance too.  Personal space is about 1m or 3 feet around a person.  Although this changes with cultural and gender differences.  It has also been transformed recently through COVID-19 social distancing.  So be aware and read the signs.  Often, if people feel you’re getting too close, they will move.  But what if they can’t move, are they looking uncomfortable?  You should move for them.

One major challenge is if we’re feeling nervous or uncomfortable ourselves, our body language can leak it.  It can freeze us to the point where all the good practice we know just doesn’t manifest itself.  One tip is to take a slow breath to relax yourself.  And we are usually at our most nervous when we are trying to make a good first impression.  We all know how important they are, whether we are meeting an important person, having a difficult conversation with a member of staff or parent, or are being interviewed ourselves.  The first five seconds are key.  So have a five second plan.  How are you going to stand, where are you going to stand, how are you going to hold your hands, and how are you going to look and smile at the person or people you are trying to impress? After that it could be a comfortable downhill ride!

The problem is we don’t always have the awareness we need, and we don’t often have the benefit of looking at ourselves in our day-to-day work.  Video is one solution, but not all of us like to watch ourselves on screen.  With the explosion of use of video chats and meetings, we are being constantly confronted with images of ourselves interacting with others.  Our body language behaviours normally hidden in a ‘phone call are now available for people to see.  Feedback is the next best thing.  How about making it the focus of your next peer observation review?  Ask a colleague to look at your body language and feedback.  It can make a tremendous difference.

A huge part of being a leader is managing complaints and disagreements.  It may be one of the aspects of your role that you dread.  Some leaders thrive on it; loving the opportunities to listen, and support others to reach resolutions.  In some organisations, they devote whole teams to managing complaints.  In most small and medium sized businesses we don’t have that luxury; it’s yet another one of those things we must all do.

What is absolutely clear is each and every leader and manager should have strategies up their sleeves to deal with them.  Complaints often come without warning; sometimes you can see them brewing, but more often than not they present themselves when you are busy doing something else.  And they come from all directions, they can come from children, parents, partner organisations, next-door-neighbours, funders, clients, management, staff, and volunteers.  So, knowing how to structure a response to a complaint, without making it worse in the short-term is an essential part of all our tool-boxes.  It is part of team leadership, customer care, and time management as well.

What’s worked for me is something I picked up when training customer care staff in the tour operator world.  And a useful way to remember it is APAC, which represents: acknowledge, probe, answer, and close.

I think that acknowledging a person’s complaint in the single most effective strategy of all.  Demonstrating you have heard them, and you believe they have a point will show you are not going to argue.  This will support them to move their energies away from trying to convince you, and instead move to working with you to tell you more.  Fail to acknowledge and they may get angrier, louder, more aggressive, or frustrated.  And both of you will be going nowhere fast.

And it is the second stage, probe, where both sides, but especially you, can ask for some of the facts that will support you to understand in detail about the problem or the events leading to it.  Through this stage your well-practised body language and empathy can show how you are likely to respond with something serious and considered thoughts.  Including the word ‘yes’ frequently during the acknowledgement and probing will also help.

Then give your answer.  But make sure you give yourself sufficient time to think, so you don’t rush into saying things you don’t mean or will regret.  This may be a few moments, a few minutes or even hours or days if this is appropriate.  But in the heat of the moment, phrases like ‘let me think about that for a second’ explains to the complainant that your silence isn’t empty or unhelpful, but about you carefully considering what they have said, and what you are going to do.  There is an opportunity for them to think about what they could or should do.  To take ownership of their own resolution.

Close is all about gaining agreement your answer is okay or acceptable.  If not, remember APAC and probe some more, then return to reiterate or replace answer, before reaching the close again.