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Most of us think we are good listeners.  We are aware of the importance of eye contact, about nodding our heads, and about making encouraging noises.  But how conscious are we about the ways in which we ask our questions in day-to-day practice?

When was the last time you thought about the types of questions you ask, and how people answer them?  Here I explore these issues and identify some practice issues.

We all need all sorts of information to do our jobs.  And we need this information from colleagues, users, and customers throughout the day.  Some of it is day-to-day detail and factual.  Some of it is more significant and can have truly powerful results.  This is because we are also interested in feedback, feelings, behaviour and identifying needs and wants that can be met by identifying and responding to individuals.

Questioning is invaluable in anyone’s work tool-box.  Information sharing is all our goal, and it often starts and continues and concludes with questions.  Things like ‘how are you?’, ‘can you tell me more?’ and ‘is that OK?’   Matching the correct question to the right situation is a measure of the skilled communicator. Get it wrong, and they may give you the wrong answer, the answer they think you want, or something that tells you nothing at all.  Think for a moment, how many types of questions can you think of?  Now read on, because I have suggested some here.  However, there are many more:

• Open questions – these provide wonderful opportunities for people to open up and give lots of details uncontrolled or uninfluenced by you. They can take you in all sorts of surprising directions.  “Tell me what you think about…”
• Leading questions – these are usually used when the questioner already thinks they know the answer, and assume they will be correct in their assumption. Or when the questioner only wants one answer.  “Do you have any problems with your boss?”
• Closed questions – these usually receive short answers with no detail, such as yes or no. They rely heavily on the motivation of the answerer to put the effort into talking and giving a more detailed reply beyond a one-word reply.  Often asked when the questioner is disinterested or controlling.  “Do you agree with me this is the best way?”
• Multiple questions – a single question that upon further focus contains three or more questions in one. These can confuse the answerer and they rarely deliver answers to all the questions asked.  What a waste!  “What did you think about the meeting, and do you think she did a good job, and what needs to happen next?”
• Extension questions – these give you an opportunity to ask more, or encourage the person to open up further. “What else do you think?”
• Reflective questions – these use parts of the answer or previous statement and rephrase it to extend the conversation, this can encourage more reflective detail and clarifications. “I was interested when you said that things could be better, can you tell me more?”

Why not have a think about your questioning techniques and use the prompts above to do some invaluable peer observation?  Ask your colleagues for feedback!  Using open and extending and reflective questions of course.  One thing is for sure, make sure you devote equally as much attention to listening to the answer.  Was that useful?

Meetings are one of those essential things of management.  Early on in my career I was fascinated by them, enjoyed them, studied and analysed them, and even looked forward to them.  Fast forward 30 years and I am less enthusiastic.  For me, a successful meeting is one that a) is needed, b) time and cost efficient, and c) makes decisions or progress.

There are lots of different types of meetings, I am thinking of things like: team meetings (information sharing and consultative), focus group meetings (problem solving or opinion gathering), progress meetings (checking how things are going against a clear plan), one-to-one meetings (often private and personal, or focused on the individual or relationship), workout meetings (to sort things out), reporting meetings (sharing information and holding people to account), team building meetings (supporting a teams’ stages of development), and impromptu meetings (unplanned ones that take you by surprise).  There are many more.

All of these different types of meetings present their own unique challenges.  I do have some words of advice to make them as successful as possible.

• Make sure everyone knows the aim and purpose of meetings.
• Support people to understand what is expected of them.
• Always ask, is a meeting needed? Be bold enough to postpone if not.  Think, how much is this meeting costing, the answer may shock you.
• Think about the stage of development your team is in (Tuckman 1965). How should you approach the meeting so it meets the team’s needs and helps performance?  For example, if the team is storming, I would recommend a coaching style.  Pre-meeting discussions would help as well.  You don’t want everyone to be air their raw grievances in public.
• Be prepared. Read the minutes or notes in advance, share a timed agenda or a set of goals.
• Don’t always wait for things to be done in meetings, work in-between them as well.
• Meetings are not opportunities to show off; if you want to do that join the theatre.
• You should not aim to hijack people or take people by surprise; instead have pre- or post-meeting conversations to set out what you need. Enable people to be prepared.  Not only will you be more likely to get what you want, things will most likely be quicker.  People may respect you more as well.
• Remember there are always people who will be first to talk and be active; and others will carefully think and reflect, they will want to speak later or at the end. Make sure you give everyone their preferred opportunity.
• Be timely, carefully estimate the time needed (for each item and for the whole meeting) so people can better plan their diaries, and don’t be afraid to finish before the stated end. There are limits to people’s concentration spans.  Only in exceptional circumstances should you overrun.  People have other things to do and places to be.
• Circulate brief notes, agreed actions, and/or important points as soon as you can afterwards. So often these arrive just before the next meeting, that helps no one.

Then we all have a chance to ensure meetings are positive and enjoyable, and we can manage them rather than them managing us.

Recent times have required us to embrace video-conferencing, Zoom, Skype or similar.  The technology is a practical solution to lockdown and supports us to remain connected with colleagues, friends and family.  Hopefully, these arrangements will see us through a relatively temporary period until we move through the COVID-19.  But if this becomes a working life norm, I don’t think I could cope.  Really.

Okay, on the positive side, I appreciate the advantages.  They are great for including everyone, especially colleagues based out of the office – wherever they are, and they remove the inefficient waste of travel time and travel costs.  On the face of it, you can do more in a day, and hold even more meetings.  I’ve noticed online meetings tend to be quicker than face-to-face ones.  Although I have heard horror stories of all-day ones.  That sounds like some sort of nightmare.

Video is an improvement on tele-conferencing as you at least have a chance of noticing non-verbal communication cues.  You can tell, sort of, if people are listening and/or happy, or not.   But the reality is not exactly pleasurable.  Let’s be honest, the technology is letting us all down.  We need it to be better.  The broadband speed, picture quality, interrupted sound that causes us to miss every other word, echoes and feedback, background noise, freezing screens – these are all too familiar experiences.

It’s not just technology’s fault, there is human error too.  Some of this is basic manners or etiquette.  Thinking about it, I think I have been stood-up for online or ‘phone meetings many more times than I have for ‘real’ meetings.  There should be no difference.  Being present is important.  As is arriving on time and not leaving early.  Personally, I cannot bear the small talk at the start.  It is a hangover from face-to-face meetings and rarely works.  And I can hear you if you are typing away or sorting out your expenses claim!

Some of this is lack of experience and skill, I accept that.  There are also other factors.  Choosing the best place to sit and work during the meeting is important. It can be really difficult with other people (or pets) in the house or the office.  Positioning the camera is so important.  We spend so much time thinking about how we present to the world, and all that seems to go out of the window when people don’t think about the angle of the camera, or the background that everyone can see.  Instead we are treating everyone to unflattering views of our chins or noses, or of private things in our personal spaces, untidy bookshelves or eclectic art choices.

The dynamics of communication mean it can be difficult to follow conversations in large groups and to know how to take-turns.  This results in awkward silences.  But I think we should be more confident and embrace silence and thinking time.  Whilst it is good that people mute themselves when not talking to minimise background noise, it is frustrating for all when they start talking without unmuting.  Having a competent chairperson is vitally important to help avoid these pitfalls.

If I had some top tips to survive them, here they are:

• Send joining instructions and necessary papers out in good time.
• Be clear about who has the joining instructions and who is leading the meeting.
• Be clear about who is attending and why.
• Choose a quiet space away from distractions, dogs, other people, children.
• A quiet space means you do not have to put mute on and therefore don’t forget to turn it off.
• Good chairing and leadership.
• Agenda and ground rules.
• Be really clear who is on the call – do introductions.
• Say your name before speaking.
• Be clear about whose turn it is to speak – allocate topic leadership on the agenda.
• Be disciplined – find a quiet space and be on time.
• Assume silence is agreement.
• Participate and pay attention – avoid the temptation to do other work or complete your expenses claim. You wouldn’t do that at a face-to-face meeting.
• Allow equal participation, ask everyone’s views.
• Take and share notes.
• Be more patient than I am!

I hope that helps.  It gives me some hope.

We talk a lot about listening to children in education.  And I have always thought the best early years workers and teachers are those that have excellent observation skills.  Whenever I am in a setting or school I observe visual and audible listening skills that can anticipate the individual needs of children and families.

It is these skills that typify great leaders as well.  If you notice what is being said and done, or what isn’t being said or done, and consider how people are saying things and doing things, and how they are feeling, you have all the tools you need to connect with children, families, and the people you lead.  These tools help you to help them flourish.

Maya Angelou is often quoted, she said “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel”.  This is good advice for any leader.  It reminds me of the big difference between leadership and management.  Leaders inspire people to have confidence and take action themselves.  Managers too often tell people what to do, how and when.  And this can damage confidence, motivation, and individual responsibility.  Don’t get me wrong, we need both in every organisation.  Often it is the same person.  It could be you, and if it is, this is your juggling challenge that makes every work day different.

The vast majority of people who come to our leadership and management training courses are surprised to find themselves in their positions.  Most have never undertaken any such training before.  And have learned their leadership skills through a painful process of trial and error.  Like most leaders, their route to the top is often because they are great talkers.  But once there, the best advice is to shut up!  If you are too busy talking at people, or seeking to demonstrate and assert your position constantly, you will not connect with them.  They will quickly learn not to talk themselves, which results in you becoming uninformed and out of touch with what is happening and how people feel.

Here are a few thoughts on how to listen really well – my shortlist of personal tried and tested favourites.

• Don’t listen when you’ve finished all your planning and are simply presenting your final ideas
• Involve people early, and listen at the early stages of thinking or developing ideas
• Be open-minded by not assuming what people are going to say before they say it
• Listen to everyone, not just those that you know will agree, and be prepared for different views
• Be patient, give people time to think first and talk later, not everyone likes being the first to speak or thinks on their feet
• Allow people the time to finish their talking – don’t interrupt
• Repeat what you think people have said so you get your listening right first time
• Listen without power – support people to be honest and answer and not just in ways they think you want
• Ask open questions, e.g. what do you think?

In short, the worst leaders talk, the best leaders listen.  If you want to find out more, there are lots of books and online resources that support good listening skills.  You can apply your best early years or education practice in your people management too.

You don’t need me to tell you that using regular praise has transformational effects on children.  Praise is a powerful motivator, it is also an essential and daily element of your staff management tool-box.  Its effects are the same, it helps build self-esteem and self-confidence, and can support the achievement of the team-work, and work outcomes you are aiming for.

Motivation is our desire to do things, get things done, or to move. Without it, we stay where we are: in the same role; the same place; the same bed.  With motivation, we move into new and challenging roles; embrace new ideas; go to new places; and most importantly get up in the morning!  It’s the difference between being late or not turning up at all, and being early for work ready for the day ahead.

We are all motivated differently.  What motivates one, will have little effect on another. One thing I have focused on very much over recent months has been the importance of quality leadership.  If we trust our leaders, then that can be motivation enough – because they meet our motivational needs.  But there is so much more for us to consider, ask yourself and your teams these questions:

• How relevant and worthwhile does your work feel to you and your close friends and family?
• What difference are you making to parents, children and colleagues?
• How is your career taking shape, or what direction is it taking?
• What risks or safety do you want from work?
• How happy are you at work, or what happiness are you creating in others?

All crucial questions for us to consider.  And you will notice, little reference to fame, fortune, or attention.  Well, this is the early years!  Seriously though, finances and status are still important issues for us in this sector.

Saying thank you or giving praise is a full-time job for any manager or leader.  Funny that it is the most commonly overlooked and under-estimated ways of motivating people.  And it is easy:

• Look for chances to praise all of the time
• Mean it when you do it
• Tailor the praise and the words for the person and the achievement
• Turn negative thoughts into positive actions
• Look people in the eye – connect with them
• Do it in front of others
• Be careful not to create hierarchies or cliques, praise everyone!
• Give praise regularly
• Use a balance of informal and formal opportunities

Sounds sensible doesn’t it?  Be honest, how do you score as a praising manager?  It’s not too late to change if you’ve been feeling you’re a little too negative or too busy to be the ‘super-praising leader’ you aim to be.  So, set your goals and work through the awkward pain barrier, the rewards are there for all.  You can be the leader you want to be, and the leader your team wants to trust for their motivation.